Can I Learn To Love My Cellulite?

– I’m deeply regretting this entire thing already and it’s only
day one and I’m about to cry because I’m so nervous. (gentle music) My relationship with my
body’s deeply complicated. I want so deeply to
love myself the way I am but it is so hard. I do everything I can to
try to hide my cellulite. You know, growing up, you’re
sitting next to your friends and someone walks by
and they have cellulite and someone makes a comment
about, how it’s disgusting and ewe, she should cover that up. And then I hear that and I
internalize that cause I’m like, “Oh my god, I have tons of
cellulite all over my body.” I think that now that I
am a part of the media, I can change the narrative finally. So this week I have
three major challenges. The first one is that I’m
gonna be walking around in a very public place
wearing short shorts. Number two is going running in public and then the third challenge
is to go buy a bikini and then wear that bikini
in public and try to be a boss-ass bitch when I’m
probably dying inside. I’m about to leave to go to
work wearing my first outfit and I am physically
shaking, I’m so nervous. Alright, so this is what I’ll be looking at all day, my cellulite thighs. So I wear basically the
same thing every day. I wear mostly black, dresses never go above the knee, always long sleeves. If he doesn’t care,
then why should I care? What do you think about my outfit today? – You look hot.
– I think you look amazing. – Yeah, I don’t know why you
don’t wear stuff like this more often and show off those legs. – I’ve never seen you wear
a dress like that before and I love it. How do you feel? – Exposed. So for the first main
event I walked through a really public mall. I’m gonna flop these bad boys around. (laughs) I’m not excited about it, I’m not. I’m pretending like
it’s funny but it’s not. The moment I stepped out of my car and realized what I was
going to do I was like, “oh fuck, what have I done?” (laughs) As I was walking through the mall it was just tons of the worst things you could ever think about yourself. About an hour in, I was
in the middle of H&M and I had a really insane anxiety attack. I don’t feel comfortable
yet showing my cellulite to the public and I felt like
everybody was just staring at me and I know it’s not true. And I just didn’t feel as
good as I thought I would. What made it so bad was
that every time I felt good about myself I would walk
past a mirror and I would see my reflection and I think
it kept bringing me back to reality which was like,
“oh yeah, you have cellulite.” So, my parents are in town. What do you guys think
about cellulite in general? – It’s a curse. My mother had it. She was very petite. Even though I feel badly about it, I don’t think anybody should
be judged for having cellulite. And we just have to learn to live with it. And women should be kinder
to one another about it. – Today I am running in
public in front of everyone. It’s already hard enough
to work out in gyms. Everyone there is totally in shape and then here you are on a treadmill and you feel like everything’s
jiggling and out there, and everyone’s staring at
you ’cause you don’t know what you’re doing. But running in public,
for me, is even worse. When I finished jogging, I
went home and I was just so mad that I let people dictate
how I felt about my body for this long. Honestly, looking back on
the footage of me running, I’m like more embarrassed
about my bad form, that I’m a terrible athlete,
more than my cellulite. (laughs) I just had this weird
sense of a calm release. When I was walking in a bikini
next to all these people in fully clothed outfits,
it felt weird for sure. There’s nothing not weird about that. But it was a weird way of
walking around being like, (shows middle fingers). ‘Cause it was almost like,
if anyone did stare at me and hated me for whatever
reason, it’s on them. No one said anything mean. If anything, people were totally normal and didn’t probably think
twice and even if they did, fuck ’em because I am so
over people body shaming and I’m so over people telling
me how to feel about myself. I’m just so over everyone
telling me how my body should be instead of me. It’s so funny how your mind
can trick you into thinking things are real when they’re not. And I don’t know what really happened, I can’t read other peoples minds, but the more honest we are
about who we actually are and what we actually look
like and how we actually feel about things, the more that
we can actually change things. When I started this
challenge I was on the verge of tears almost every day that
I had to show my cellulite to the world and then by
the end, I was so free from all the worry and all
the thoughts that society had on me and all the expectations. And that felt fucking awesome.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *