Everything That Pissed Off Lewis Black in 2019 | The Daily Show

– When a new story falls
through the cracks, Lewis Black catches it for a
segment we call Back in Black. (cheering and applauding)
(upbeat music) – The new year means new
laws are going into effect all across the country. Think of them as America’s
new year’s resolutions. But unlike our personal resolutions, they’re meant to last a little longer than the first time we pass
The Cheesecake Factory. So let’s take a look
at some of the new laws debuting in 2019. – In New Hampshire you must
be at least 16 years old now in order to get married,
but that’s as long as you have parental consent. Until now, girls could get
married at 13 and boys at 14. – Oh no, New Hampshire is
raising the marriage age from 13 to 16, won’t
somebody think of R Kelly? (laughing and applauding) But I’m glad they’re raising the age! Unbelievable. No one is mature enough to
make a long term commitment at age 13. I know your bar mitzvah says you’re a man, but that’s just bullshit made
up to get you an Xbox money. Teenagers should not get married. 13, 16, it doesn’t matter,
you still can’t drink! And drinking is the only way
to get through a marriage. (laughing and applauding) Vermont’s new laws are making it rain. – [Man] Vermont will begin
paying people to move there, up to $10 000 over two
years for people employed by out of state companies who are willing to work in Vermont
remotely from a home office or a cooperative workspace. – We have a demographic in this
state, we need more people. – All right, Vermont, I’m
gonna tell ya the same thing I told my aunt when I
saw her OkCupid page. Quit acting so thirsty! Seriously, you’re offering
10 grand to live in Vermont? If a state has to pay
you money to live in it, that’s a good sign I don’t
wanna live in that state. What good is $10 000 in Vermont? That place is so dull I’ll have to spend the 10 grand of cocaine
just to liven things up! (laughing and applauding) If I wanted to go
someplace cold and empty, I could look in the mirror. (laughing and applauding)
(air whooshing) As you all know from my Instagram, I’m not just a booty model,
I’m also a wellness junkie. I’m always looking for the newest shortcut to a healthier life. Whether it’s the paleo diet, Pilates, or committing medical insurance fraud. I may not have the body of a 35-year-old, but I have his Blue Cross card. (laughs) So you can imagine my excitement when I heard of a new
all natural miracle drug. – Now to the sourcing popularity of CBD, that extract from the cannabis plant that doesn’t get you high
but is being promoted for so many uses, from
insomnia to chronic pain. – You just feel very calm. It’s like taking a big chill pill. – [Man] CBD oil comes from the hemp plant, it has trace amounts of
THC but usually too small to make anyone high. – Not enough THC to get ya high? Challenge accepted! This will be a lot easier than the time I tried to get drunk on Purell. It got rid of gingivitis in my stomach. But yes, the new wellness rage is CBD, marijuana’s less fun cousin. They say it has all the benefits
of weed without the high. But then what’s the point? I only smoke weed to get high! I’m not doing it to make friends with white guys who love reggae. (laughing and applauding) So the whole world is doing CBD. But there’s one tiny issue, the B in CBD might stand for bullshit. – [Man] There’s still no
conclusive scientific evidence yet that CBD products actually
have health benefits. – Buyer beware, you know? Know going into it that
there is no evidence for it but if you’re gonna
walk out feeling better I’m not gonna say that’s a terrible thing, but again as a scientist and as a society let’s get the real evidence. – So, we don’t know if CBD works. But we do know it makes
a butt load of money. Basically, CBD is Ivanka Trump! (laughing) And if you hear a CBD
user who’s getting angry because I said it
doesn’t work, guess what, you getting angry means
it’s not (beep) working! (laughing and applauding)
(air whooshing) If you live in New York City, you’ve always been
forced to make a choice. You’re in a car or you’re in the subway. You can only masturbate in one. (chuckles) But now the city wants to
cut down on road traffic and push everyone into the subway and people aren’t happy about it. – [Reporter] This
passenger is trying to get a 30 foot steel beam onto the train. – [Man] He about to ride
the whole train with that. – [Reporter] Fellow riders lend a hand. – [Man] And he got help now. (laughs) – [Reporter] What do you know, it fits. – A commuter in New York
City made a subway car into a jungle as videos
posted on Twitter, Sunday, man drags tree after tree onto the car for more than three minutes. Meanwhile, people on Twitter were shocked that he was able to pull this off. – Look at all those trees. It’s like Central Park, but inside. All that’s missing is some guy bathing in a fountain full of pigeon shit. (laughing) By the way we can all agree
that he stole that beam, right? I mean, he’s not on his
way to a construction job and they’re like, Tony, don’t
forget to bring the beams from home tomorrow! (laughing and applauding) Oh! (laughing and applauding) (chuckles) Oh and if you’re
gonna miss making yourself pretty in the car, don’t
worry, you can do that on the subway too. – [Reporter] How would
you like to ride to work next to this person? Or this guy shaving his head? – People clipping their
nails, eating on… Oh yeah, that’s– – Clipping their nails? – Toenails too. (laughing) – [Reporter] Want proof? – Hey, that’s my lawyer! Hey, Ben! (laughing) (laughing and applauding) But yes, subway riders
are shaving their heads and clipping their nails. You know who I blame for this, Queer Eye. They taught men how to groom themselves, but didn’t tell them where to do it. (laughing and applauding)
(air whooshing) You know America has been blessed with some topnotch diseases. Swine flu, bird flu and of
course, pizza rat chlamydia. I’ve had ’em all! Well good news, now
we’re even more blessed. Because one of America’s classic diseases is making a comeback. – Right now the U.S. is experiencing its worst measles outbreak since 2014, with 349 cases in 26
states in the past year. – [Man] Measles is no laughing matter, measles can kill and– – It is exquisitely contagious. So you can be in a room
where somebody with measles had left two hours earlier
and still get the disease. – (scoffs) Measles can survive
in a room for two hours? There’s not enough hand
sanitizer in the world! You can never be too careful. That was vodka, by the way. I hide it in Purell bottles
so I can drink it in public. (laughing and applauding) But yes, the measles are back, like a New Kids on the Block reunion tour. No one asked for it and
no one’s happy to see it. (laughing) I thought measles were dark ages crap we successfully eliminated
from the planet, like the dodo. If you say you’re a bird but
you can’t fly, you’re a liar! How did this happen? Modern medicine had pretty
much eradicated measles. But it turns out science is no match for its greatest foe, idiots. – This month, the World
Health Organization call the Anti-Vaccine
Movement and major threat to public health. – [Man] Hundreds rallied
to preserve their right not to vaccinate their children. – It is highly contagious. – Yes it is.
– Perhaps one of the most contagious diseases out there. – Yes it is. – [Man] Are you afraid you’re
putting your child at risk? – No, I don’t feel like I’m
putting my child at risk, there’s nothing that’s gonna
change my mind on this, on that specific vaccination. – If you read the fine print, I’m sure somewhere it says, you know, there is a possible fatal
outcome there. (chuckles) Some possible fatal consequences and that gets you a little worried. – (mimics laughing) I love morons! If you read the fine print, well actually I’ve read
the fine print of measles and you know what the
side effects include? Dying of (beep) measles! So where did these dummies
get these dumb ideas? The same place that wants you to believe you’re miserable aunt and closeted uncle are actually happy, the internet. But social media are finally starting to get their act together. – [Man] Facebook said,
quote, “We’ve taken steps “to reduce the distribution
of health related “misinformation on Facebook. “But we know we have more to do.” – [Woman] Pinterest is blocking searches related to vaccinations, the
social media company says it wants to curb the
spread of misinformation. Most shared images on Pinterest relating to vaccinations
advise against them. – Who the (beep) is getting their health information on Pinterest? That’s where you’re
supposed to plan weddings and find tacky home decor. Then again, on Pinterest,
you can find tips on how not to vaccinate your kid. And then find the perfect headstone for your unvaccinated kid. (laughing and applauding) (upbeat music)

100 thoughts on “Everything That Pissed Off Lewis Black in 2019 | The Daily Show

  1. *Mississippi*, a state with no exemptions for religious or philosophical reasons (only medical), hasn't had a case of the measles since the early 90s. Hmmm.

  2. At one point in time this show was funny, but it's been a decade+ now. Lewis Black was kind of funny as a pissed off middle aged guy, now his schtick isn't funny anymore, he's just pathetic. Trump 2020. Be here in November, Trevor Noah, so we can see you crying.

  3. Pinterest also gives you incredible ideas for DIY cremation urns and caskets for your unvaccinated kid, turning moron-instigated tragedy into a crafting opportunity.

  4. CVD rub a dab on and you wont get high, rub a gob on and next thing you don't know is your stoned out of your mind(so say laboratory rats !!) !!!!

  5. That bit about CBD pissed me off. CBD has given life to kids that used to have 300 seizures every day but now have none or very few thanks to CBD. It is a miracle drug for many.

  6. "There is nothing more persistent in this universe than stupidity" – A. Einstein.

    The atomic powered irony in Lewis' statement though! 😀 hahaha
    He's right about one thing, Science is no match for morons. SO TRUE.

    He just doesn't realize who the morons are.

  7. Lewis Black definitely sets the standard for news and comedy! Kind of like the way George Carlin would explain stuff. The way Bill Hicks would explain his bit but I was always done to a comedy even though it was dark. The one thing I can say with 100% certainty is CBDs are a magnificent medicine. CBDs have taken an autistic child who never spoke a word in his life. One week of taking it two to three times a day he spoke his first word. It has a lot of anti-inflammation properties and it helps kids with autism not have seizures. So it can actually replace the drug Keppra which is horrible for children. CBD is also really good for pets. You know you have that or their dog German shepherd German chocolate lab golden retrievers in a medium sized dogs usually have hip problems. Good moral CBD in the morning with their food little bit at night and they don't get that information around their hips and it is truly incredibly soothing when smoked. I just figured I'd throw that out there but Lewis Black we need more people like him right now! Stay lifted

  8. Black and the funny guy
    2 morons He's talking about New Hampshire
    & Vermont it's his own people he's talking about
    big D. Head

  9. When vaccines are in a carcinogenic base, called GLYSOPHATE, or eggs, or they contain mercury, then, yes, parents have a right to abstain. The only thing that kills from measles if a high fever, which can be dealt with using penicillin, or other antibiotic, like colloidal silver. Also, some doctors warn that the MMR should not be taken together, as this lethal cocktail has had dire consequences for thousands more children every year. What once was 1:5,000 cases of Autism has risen to 1:50 children vaccinated with MMR vaccine (see VAXXED). I think no child under the age of 5 should be vaccinated at all, myself. Who's the idiot, Mr. Black?

  10. Hold up…. Why is Dan Ponce reporting from chicago WGN 9 on a train full of trees in New York? Oh morning news crew… Nevermind answered that myself. also, Anti Vaxxers should be labeled Biological Terrorists. Thanks Jenny McCarthy you dumb bitch.

  11. To be honest, I've always hoped for a way to rid the world of more idiots and anti-vaxers are doing that job for me. Not only are they killing themselves but they're removing their contributions to the gene pool with them.

  12. Ya know how in the old cartoons, characters would have a little angel on shoulder and a little devil on the other? I just have a tiny invisible Lewis Black on my shoulder.

  13. There are real strains that produce medicinal cbd that helps epileptics in some cases, they are uncommon to my knowledge. What you are getting in the bottle from the store, who knows. If it works for you, great, the prices in the clubs scare me off. It seems to be getting overhyped. Weed in general, does stimulate your digestive organs, which I consider to be a health benefit.

  14. The only reason "unemployment" is low… is because of Cyber Crime and these phone scam operators (from Russia with love). Give this POTUS some more time. He just had Iran's #2 assassinated yesterday; there will likely be several responses around the world, or worse; here in the USA. The stock market has been manipulated with Trump's Tax Cuts for the 1%. This began under Obama and Trump couldn't afford to look stupid, or; "less than" when compared to Obama. Wages are high for Corporate people who have "V.P. or higher" behind their names. Wage stagnation hasn't improved since the 1980's. Your criminal POTUS cannot tell the truth, and; has alienated the smartest people (with moral compasses) from his Administration. He has no clue as to the ramifications of yesterday's assassination, but; if he did have a National Security Staff that truly understood these inevitable consequences… he wouldn't listen to them. What he (Trump) did was the equivalent to having Pompeo and/or the VPOTUS whacked by Iran. There WILL be serious consequences, and; he'll get re-elected if this ends up with another Middle East war/conflict.

  15. okay, give vaccines to those who wanted them… the rest; let them suffer if they catch it.. measles is not a serious threat anyway..more than 90% will recover after a week of high fever

  16. There might be no scientific proof that CBD works but it’s the only drug that stopped my son’s seizures, nothing else worked. He went from up to 20 attacks to nothing. So I don’t care what the scientist’s say, it has improved my child’s life.

  17. Oh no. The same system that told us using weed will make us become jazz musicians, white women go with black guys, and make us kill our moms with frying pans are now telling us that there is no evidence that CBD has health benefits. Never mind the rest of the world’s regulatory agencies have concluded there are. Yes our government must be right. Hey Black, I thought you were a little less gullible than that. Daily show is shit now anyways.

  18. when I was a kid doc would send kids to other kids houses for play dates to spread measles and inoculate through actually catching it. seriously flue kills far far far more kids than measles.

  19. Kids shouldn't be allowed to marry at 13, just change their gender, which our scientifically-minded liberal friends assure us can be done by our thoughts.

  20. https://patents.google.com/patent/US6630507B1/en is the US gov't patent for cannabinoids. Apparently our "servants" knew about the health benefits of cannabis for many years. Guess it's more profitable to tax it than to enforce absurd drug laws. It's all about the benjamins baby.

  21. from: https://wellnessandequality.com/2016/06/20/how-much-money-do-pediatricians-really-make-from-vaccines/
    So how much money do doctors really make from vaccines? The average American pediatrician has 1546 patients, though some pediatricians see many more. The vast majority of those patients are very young, perhaps because children transition to a family physician or stop visiting the doctor at all as they grow up. As they table above explains, Blue Cross Blue Shield pays pediatricians $400 per fully vaccinated child. If your pediatrician has just 100 fully-vaccinated patients turning 2 this year, that’s $40,000. Yes, Blue Cross Blue Shield pays your doctor a $40,000 bonus for fully vaccinating 100 patients under the age of 2. If your doctor manages to fully vaccinate 200 patients, that bonus jumps to $80,000.

    But here’s the catch: Under Blue Cross Blue Shield’s rules, pediatricians lose the whole bonus unless at least 63% of patients are fully vaccinated, and that includes the flu vaccine. So it’s not just $400 on your child’s head–it could be the whole bonus. To your doctor, your decision to vaccinate your child might be worth $40,000, or much more, depending on the size of his or her practice."'
    The Physician Alliance Blue Cross Blue Shield Incentive Program

  22. “Vaccination does NOT account for the impressive declines in mortality seen in the first half of the century…Nearly 90% of the decline in infectious disease mortality among US children occurred before 1940, when few antibiotics or vaccines were available.” —
    Annual Summary of Vital Statistics: Trends in the Health of Americans During the 20th Century,
    Journal of American Academy of Pediatrics, December 2000

  23. We must remember Mr. Black IS a comedian, although apparently either ignorant about some basic medical issues or well paid by big pharma or both. Love his comedy.

  24. Do I have to get VETTED if I go to Vermont, if so: I want a green 1972 with a pop off T-Top with a 454 cubic inch !!!!

  25. 4:00 that might be the absolute worst editing ever. there's no way the crowd laughed that loud at what he said right before

  26. I liked him until…. he supports pro-vaccine propaganda and freedom of speech suppression. How many measles deaths from those 349 cases? Hmmm? ZERO. Look up how many people die from vaccines each year. Go ahead. A little truth won't hurt you. Here's a hint… it's a LOT more than the measles.

  27. Walgreens? Hmm. Didn't they partner with that Theranos lady when there was NO proof her magic blood boxes worked? "Elizabeth Anne Holmes is the founder and former CEO of Theranos, a now-defunct healthcare company that soared in valuation because it claimed to have revolutionized blood testing using surprisingly small volumes of blood, such as from a fingerprick." Why trust anything Walgreens says.

  28. Well, there are two things, as a transplant to VT from the NY metro area, that are marvelous: It's never boring and it's VERY close to Canada. So we'll escape before you do.

  29. The only thing that pissed me off in 2019, was this asshole. My consolation is the re-election of President Trump and the explosion of these morons heads😂😂😂😂😂

  30. these parents who do not let their kid getting injectons should be arrested…they put all other kids at risk…how sick people are…

  31. 13 to 16 to get married, 18 to fight and die for your country and 21 to drink… Who are the idiots that made these rules?

  32. A friend gave me a whole bottle of CBD oil to try and it tasted like pure FISH OIL! I wanted to puke! The product label says PURE CBD Tincture. Someone needs to look into whether someone's spiking this stuff with chondroitin and glucosamine to pawn off snake oil instead of the actual benefits of pot!

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