#Momtruth Friday! When you become a mom you never envisioned that you actually inherited a whole whackadoo of jobs more than… than… First of all, I love when you say wackadoo, but secondly like I thought that when you decided to have a baby it would mean that you will become a mom, like take care of the baby. I agree. Like I’m just a mom. I agree. Like feed it, love it, take care of it. Yeah! When it naps, I sit down. It’s cute. It’s just cute. The biggest lie… LIE! …is that when you become a mom you have so many jobs on top of that. Why does no one tell you that? So all of a sudden just because you’ve got a baby out of your vaheen you have to become a maid? You literally have to clean ALL DAY Poop. Pee. Barf. Bathrooms. Beds. Sheets. Laundry. All of it. And you thought YOU had a lot of laundry? Wait ’til you have a little person. They’re constantly soiling themselves. K? And then you also have to like bathe them, like you’re their bather. The bottles! There is always dishes. Always dishes! You always have to wash the bottles. They’re always dirty. Even cups, forks, knives… You also become like a cheerleader, even when you don’t feel like cheerleading you’re always picking people back up again. “Oh you’re doing such a good job!” “You know what? I know thats really hard but you got this! Come on!” “You failed. It’s okay!” Not to mention the jobs that come along with having to now deal with your husband. You have to give him props for being a great dad. Oh, yeah yeah! “Way to go.” “You’re a good dad!” You are like the biggest… “You remembered the diapers!” “You did it!” You’re a constant shopper. You always have to shop for something. You’re a nurse, 24-7. Even when you’re sick, they’re sick trumps all sickness. I don’t know what to do with you cause you’re always sick. Even a runny nose, like trumps your fever pneumonia. “Mom! My tummy hurts!” I don’t know what to do. I don’t know whether we should go to the hospital or not because I’m not a doctor! And you know they’re like you have to disinfect your house? I don’t know how to disinfect a house. Yeah. I didn’t go to school for that. Yeah, I know, me neither. What does that even mean? I’m pretty sure it’s like bleach of something though. Oh but don’t use bleach because, you know… Oh, that kills baby. You also become a playmate. like you didn’t know that you had to go and like you know dress up and junk. You have to pretend you’re like a horse, a donkey, like a plane like fly in the sky. No body told me I had to be a freaking actor! And play on the floor? I go on the couch; I’m a grown-up. You go on the floor; you’re a baby. You’ve gotta be a hairdresser. And you know what? Not only a hairdresser a hairdresser that is an expert at… Fishtail-er. No, yeah. Fishtail-er. Braids. You gotta be a schoolteacher. Did you know you have to be a schoolteacher? I didn’t even go to school. You want me to know grade three math? Do you know hard grade three math is? And they look at you like, “Mom, why aren’t you being patient? You know this!” Nah! I don’t know how to carry the 1 and carry the zero and the crossover and go back. I actually gave her a calculator. In the real world we use calculators. I was like here’s a calculator. Shhhh. Don’t tell her teacher. There’s a calculator on your I-phone. They want to show your work though. You have to be a nurse and teach them about sex-ed. Do you know how hard it is to teach a kid about sex-ed? Changes? I don’t even know how sex and really works! Penetration? I just do it for fun. You do? Egg. Sperms. They connect. They blow up. It’s weird. It doesn’t make sense. I didn’t ask for this. No. Go! I didn’t ask for this! Go Natalie! I didn’t ask for this! I didn’t ask for this! Happy #Momtruth Friday!