The Common Cold – a catchy song


When it comes to colds I gotta catch ’em
all, yeah there isn’t one that I ain’t catching And I tend to come down before anyone else
because I’m really quite ahead of fashion Every time I wake up, it’s just a little more
blocked, ’til my head’s a catacomb of mucus But enough on my throat because it’s kinda
gross, and now the following fortnight’s useless. The cold will catch you.
Achoo, achoo, The cold will catch you. Achoo, achoo, The cold will catch you.
Coming at you, The cold will catch you. You’ll come back to the common cold. and there’s a headache with colds, and you
can bet it unfolds, that stops me doing anything I’d intend to.
And my apologies, but I’m in quarantine, so I’m staying far away to protect you.
It’s hard to sleep when it’s hard to breathe. Maybe I should have bought some shares in
Big Tissue. And if there were Gods, they wouldn’t do this
to us, so maybe think of that before you say “Bless you”. The cold will catch you. And you can run, the cold will catch you. They call it a cold and here’s the reason:
Similar symptoms to if you were freezing. But you don’t get it from stepping outside.
It’s in the air, and it gets into your nose or eyes.
Objects get acquired by it, fomites of the rhinovirus,
Take a day off work? You can’t do it. You gotta introduce colleagues to it.
This germ wants to destroy you. It probably won’t but will intensely annoy you.
Sneeze in your elbow, now your elbow’s gross. Head down so they can’t see up your nose.
Feeling condemned like a rotten building Sure you can cleanse, but the rot’s rebuilding
Medicines ain’t gonna save you now. Better accept it and wait it out. Then on the sixteenth day, I’m almost breathing
okay, maybe a season of less wither is dawning. So I burn all my clothes and foundation my
nose so I don’t look like a Tumblr drawing. Now maybe life can unpause until the next
cold clause, it will recur of course when most inconvenient.
And I’m immune to this strain, so I’m ahead of the game; this just leaves one hundred
and seventy three of them. when we come back to the common cold now.
Achoo, achoo, The cold will catch you. Achoo, achoo, The cold will catch you.
And you can run, the cold will catch you. Your nose will run, and you’ll need tissues.
Call it the plague, don’t call it “man-flu”. Your nose will run, and you’ll come back to
the common cold.

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